Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots

September 23rd, 2023

Out of sheer boredom and a desire to spend every waking moment of my life talking about video games, I used this randomizer to pick a random retro game to write a blog post about. This is what happened next...

Gamers, I've got good news and bad news

For these blog posts, I try to play the game for about 30 minutes to an hour before I sit down and write about it. Normally I do feel a tiny bit bad about that, because sometimes half an hour isn't enough time to get a solid idea of what a game is actually like. This is not one of those times— play 30 minutes of Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots, and you've basically seen the whole game

Attack of the Toybots plays like a side-scrolling beat-em-up, where your goal in each level is to rid whatever Nicktoons world you're in of Professor Calamitous's army of evil toys. You've got basic attack combos, charge attacks, and a special team attack that you can't use until you fill up a super meter. Speaking of, before each world you'll get to pick two characters to play as, and you can swap between them with the press of a button. This sounds cool, until you actually play the game and see your partner character just standing around doing nothing most of the time. At the very least you'd think that having two characters means you get the benefit of having two healthbars, but whenever one of your character gets KO'd they just get back up a few seconds later like nothing happened! The partner mechanic honestly feels pointless, like they only included it to justify adding a multiplayer mode

Once you get about halfway through the beat-em-up section of any given world (and solve a few puzzles via touch screen gimmicks along the way), you get to ride a giant Ride Armor looking mech through the rest of it, then through a top-down vehicle section, and finally a first-person boss fight against another giant mech. Every world repeats this exact same formula, and I got as far as the second world before I decided to stop because I could already see the pattern repeating. Also, it's basically impossible to die in any of the mech sections— there are these nuts and bolts you collect throughout the game, and while at first I thought they were some sort of currency, it turns out that they're actually fuel for your mech. Piloting the mech drains 1 bolt per second, but the game showers you with them constantly, and I had hundreds of bolts by the time I got to the first boss— I would have to actively try to lose at that point. The game is just way too repetitive and a little too easy for me to have fun playing it for any serious length of time. Like Reggie famously said: "If it's not a battle, where's the fun?".

The best part of Attack of the Toybots is how SpongeBob stares into your soul the entire time! :)

Given how the game isn't very good, and I straight up didn't want to play anymore even before my 1 hour time limit was up, I really don't have much else to say. As always, this has been my first impressions of Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots

A picture of a yellow emoji looking downward with a sad expression on its face. There is black text over the emoji that says: Rating: It's bad

yes I am aware that I said all of that about a game that was most likely made for like, 5 year olds. these are the things I do for content